In Pursuit of Perfection

Image By Ben Javers via Sarah Wilson

Perfection is a crippling disease, one that I thought I was relatively free of. I am not a slave to order. To an outsider, I certainly don't look as though I suffer from perfectionism. I'm used to wading through a debris of toys and squashed sultanas in my home. Chaos and perfectionism can't surely co-exist?

But I'm realising that perfectionism comes in many guises. I suffer from a form of perfectionism that prevents me from giving things a go. Some perfectionists might labour and agonise for days, months, years, before producing something they deem worthy. As for me? Well, I won't even begin, believing there's no point in toiling away as the finished product will never reach the unattainable bar that I set for myself.

For me, perfectionism is simply the fear I wont be good enough; the fear that I could stumble and fail; the fear that hardens and encloses me.

Here are three ways I'm learning to let go of perfectionism's strong-hold:

It is better to travel well than to arrive. (Buddha)
When I think about pursuing something, whether it be photography or writing, I have an ideal outcome in mind. My mind then begins churning up fears that I won't be able to achieve the desired outcome in the future, making the present moment murky and hard to navigate. These fears are diminished when my intentions are to play and explore, rather than achieve a certain outcome.

Your endeavours don't define who you are
When the simple prospect of just 'giving it a go' could threaten the fragile foundations of your self-worth, it's better to just play it safe. When the ground is a little shaky, I remind myself that I am not my failures, nor my successes. In the words of Louise Hay, we are perfect, whole and complete just as we are; despite the crappy photos, flawed words and yogurt-matted hair.


Embrace the fear
It isn't realistic to think I can simply wipe my hands of fear and carry on. The more I judge and wrestle with my fears, the more I am trapped by them. Ironically, we need to sit with the fear to release its control. Whenever the fear of not being good enough arises, I try to simply notice it. I gently encourage myself to watch the swirl of anxious thoughts without trying to smother or judge them. In this moment-to-moment experience, I can see the fear as a fleeting event in the mind, which isn't 'me'.

Post Script
Ironically, this post took many attempts to write, with me chopping and changing ideas and my finger pounding the delete button. Looks like this 'letting go of perfectionism' thing is a work in progress.