Adaptation

When I'm at the park with Charlie, I like to walk in other peoples' shoes. Figuratively, that is. The other day, I watched a mother with newborn twins try to console her toddler, who had thrown a whopping tantrum in the sandpit. I wondered how I would cope, and I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't.

I started fretting. What if I decided to try for another baby straight away? I'd have to give up my dream to attend drama school next year. Would I regret my decision? Would I be happy?

But then, as I was browsing the TED website, I stumbled upon Dan Gilbert's talk on happiness. He suggests that either decision would make me equally happy in the long run. Apparently, humans are equipped with a psychological immune system, which allows us to find a silver-lining on the darkest of clouds. We don't have to wait until all our dreams and desires come into fruition to experience happiness. Rather, we are able to synthesise happiness when we accept our lot in life, even if it isn't what we wanted. Gilbert provided some startling data to support this idea: a year after losing the use of their legs, and a year after winning the lotto, lottery winners and handicapped are equally happy with their lives.

Gilbert argues that this psychological immunity seems to function best when we have restricted choices, for example if I accidentally fell pregnant and had no choice but to forgo drama school. This argument seems to be counter-intuitive on a few levels.  Firstly, we are led to believe happiness comes when we get exactly what we want. We get the promotion at work, we are happy. We get fired from our job, we are sad. Simple, right? Secondly, we enjoy having the freedom to choose. We have a range of wonderful futures to choose from, and we can find the one we most enjoy. However, Gilbert argues that free choice is the enemy of synthetic happiness. When we are stuck with a choice, we find a way to be happy. We adapt.

Circumstances don't make us happy, our attitude does. Circumstances are always in a state of flux. When hinged on outside events, happiness is shaky and fleeting. It is a great comfort to know that we can manufacture the feeling of happiness, without changing our circumstances.

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.”
Nazi death camp survivor, Viktor Frankl.